So I went home to see Mum and Dad last night, and ended up staying over in Oakville; the first time I’ve attempted this terrifying feat of pre-dawn public transit-riding since beginning my job at the government over a year ago. I had to wake up at 5am and get my hustle on to catch the 5:30am train departing for Union station to get here before 6:30am.

Now, I have some pretty amazing early morning skillz, developed over the course of the 18 months I’ve been doing this job. At 5am, I am capable of retaining my tenuous hold on consciousness; managing some basic motor functions; and expressing myself with a rudimentary use of the English language, not unlike that of a highly trained parrot.

My mother, on the other hand, can apparently wake up without the aid of an alarm (because “watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss”), efficiently make tea and toast for the both of us, pack my laundry, assemble a nutritious mid-morning snack and slip it in my backpack, and drive a motor vehicle to get me to the station on time. Once again, Moira the Greater’s expertise leaves me eating her matriarchal dust. Soon I will begin speaking to her only in Stewie quotes from The Family Guy. As a consolation prize for being half the woman she is, Mum has gifted me with some beautiful new knit goods and a stylish black shirt that I’m wearing today. Thanks, Mum!

Enough of this idle chatter. To the news summary! Ho!