Friday Afternoon Brain Dump

1) No news from Greg May as yet.

2) Best political headline in today’s news?
“Joe Volpe’s pants are on fire”
(as seen in the National Post, Nov. 18, page A20)

3) I have five NuvaRings to replace my Ortho-Evra Deathpatch, thanks to ‘s suggestion and my physician’s prescription, and will post more on them as I start using them. I’ll not lock the posts women-only, but I will cut-tag them so as to avoid offending men (or women) who do NOT have a good attitude towards menstruation.

4) Last night’s convocation ceremony went well; under two hours for all of U of T’s 2005 crop of new Ph.D.’s, M.A.’s and M.Sc.’s. Guest speaker was Professor Michael Bloom, who did a great job with his “graduate students as long distance runners” metaphor. Poor was cursed with horrible GOTrain service. Her first train died at Long Branch due to mechanical problems, then they transferred her onto a second train, which was held up due to a medical emergency. She arrived at Union Station an hour late, and just barely had time to wolf down the last half of my dinner before we dashed off in a taxi to the ceremony. We ate at Ruth’s Chris, by the way, due to time constraints; I promise to try Barberians another day and report back. The steak was tasty, but I always find it offensive to pay eight dollars for a potato side dish. Come on, guys. They’re french fries. Make your $$$ off the wine list.


There were two pranksters: one classy Master of Science who hid a bottle of champers and a styrofoam cup under his robe and popped the cork on stage, toasted his congrats to all graduates, then poured a glass for the provost; another M.Sc. who hid a darth vader mask and black leather glove under the robe and wore both onstage, turning and shaking his fist at the crowd while yelling “victory!” before departing to get his diploma.

5) While I was waiting to graduate, I thought of one of my old teachers who used to go up to the chalkboard if someone raised a dissenting voice in his class, and draw a chart. On one side would be his name, on the other side, his student’s name. Then he would ask the student to please come to the board to settle the academic dispute by transcribing all their academic qualifications. He would proceed to turn to the board and write down his high school diploma, bachelor’s degree, Master of Arts and Doctor of Philosophy. The kid would have to stand there like a total boob, wishing he/she had a knife instead of a piece of chalk. Last night I got one qualification closer to being able to legitimately defend my opinions about the rhetorical tone of Brutus in Shakespeare’s ‘Julius Caesar’ against Brian Switzer.

6) Next time I renovate a bathroom, I know exactly what’s happening with the commode. Oh yeah, baybee. The Aquariass is where it is AT. (see below) Graduation gift, anyone?

14 thoughts on “Friday Afternoon Brain Dump”

  4. Next time I renovate a bathroom, I know exactly what’s happening with the commode….

    I knew Melly and I should have taken your credit cards by force.

    Also, I must say, I never witnessed the Switzer chalkboard thing. I remember him encouraging discussion?

    (I DO remember him nailing for his poetry analysis when he had not, in fact, [pre]analysed his poem, and it showed… but I also remember us doing fairly well on that one. You were in my group, weren’t you? It was either “My Last Duchess” or “If Once We Choose Belief”… I can’t remember which).

  7. My Last Duchess, baybee!

    Also, I think it was Dean Williams he took to the chalk board. I could be wrong about that, though.

    Serpa’s sure to put his two cents worth in eventually, and I am hoping that with his razor-sharp brain, he can recall with more clarity than us mere mortals.

  9. I love people who pull their academic credentials out of their ass when faced with dissenting opinions. It gives me the chance to remind them that degrees only qualify you to be wrong with authority.

  11. What? How does that work?!? Do the fish get drained into the toilet bowl? Does their habitat get drained and refilled every time somebody flushes? Sucks to be them!

    (Congratulations!)

  12. Remember our conversation yesterday about my Christmas gifts for the next ten years? What a MARVELLOUS gift that would be – you could, pardon the expression, kill two birds with one stone – a highly decorative loo for me and hours of endless pleasure and frustration for Monty! How good is that…

  13. Also, you can point out that they have a very small penis and everyone laughs about it behind their back.

    -caellum

  14. I can think of few moments with more potential for intense discomfort on the part of all concerned than discussing the size of Mr. Switzer’s dong with him.

    Seriously, the very thought of such an exchange is making me go all woozy and giving me “mushy bum” — you know, that sensation you get when someone shows you their gaping wound? Or when you focus your mind too closely on what a papercut made by a file folder feels like? I’ve also heard it referred to by Brits as “puckering”.

    Plus, your idea only works for male academics. I don’t think I would find it upsetting if someone pointed out that I have a tiny vagina, which everyone laughs about behind my back. First off, I’d be all like “WTF? Who knows about my tiny vagina?!” Then I’d probably just back away slowly with one eyebrow raised all the way to my hairline, making the sign of the cross with my index fingers.

    It’s really amazing how I can play these scenarios out in my head, just as though they might happen one day, even though it is completely and utterly unlikely.

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