I’ve noticed that I’ve been using the term “bitches” a lot lately.
Like Wednesday night, when JVL, Aaron and I were watching Peter Jackson’s King Kong — yes, Melly, I cried too — and I kept screaming at the television during the awesome Kong vs. T-Rex(es) fight things like “Yes! Yessss! Fuck those ancient leathery bitches UP, monkey!” This was always, every time, followed by Justin leaning over and whispering “actually, honey, Kong is an ape, not a monkey”. Whatever.
Or when the repulsive, humongous insects and those gross penis-y worm creatures rustled out of the deep crevasse and started eating the living hell out of the rescue party and I was yelling “Ruuuun! Run for your lives, bitches! Those bugs are DAMN NASTY!” at the TV screen.
God, I must be SO annoying to watch TV with.
I also used my new favorite collective noun today at the office, whilst illustrating an anecdote about why someone might want to use a luxury handbag rental service. I demonstrated the most likely circumstance where it might be useful to have a $5000 Prada gym bag for only one day. My conclusion was: ‘High School Reunion’, and in front of my boss and several other people, I mimed prancing in to said reunion with a massive gym-bag-cum-purse and shouted “That’s right, bitches! What have YOU been up to? I am ROLLING in cash.”
What I’m trying to say here is that I need to cut way, way down on my rampant use of “bitches”, both at home and in the workplace. So mote it be.
Yes, but did you cry when the brontosauruses died?
I am so lame. And if you did cry then, I’m glad I am not lame alone. Or alone in my lameness.
Also, you are too wee and white to be using bitches that often. *smooch*
Also again? The japanese maple is doing loverly. AND the peony I planted last year and thought was going to cack, came back and has one giant ass bloom!
That is all.
I find myself uttering the phrase “What the shit?” quite a bit. And I stopped a directors’ meeting the other day by describing something as “a minor hoo in the zoo”.
Possibly pop culture has eroded my sense of decorum. Actually, I never really had decorum, so maybe it just shorted my edit button – gods know the wiring on that was on the fritz anyway.
Okay, so explain to me where I got “what the shit?” from, because I’ve been saying it a lot and I DON’T KNOW WHY.
As for “bitches”, I say by all means cut down on workplace usage, but all’s fair in the home. Try modifying it toward “biaaaaaatch” and see how you feel.
Science be damned – King Kong is a monkey, bitches!
Yah, but “DIVERSIFY YOUR BONDS” just wouldn’t have the same ring without “BITCHES!!” tagged onto the end.
I love that idea. Now, every time I’m pondering an important decision, I’m going to think to myself, “What would the Wu-Tang do?” And whatever I come up with, I’ll just run with it and I’m sure the result will be awesome.