This weekend was seriously fucked. I got fucked, and I fucked up, and I fucked someone over. I wish I could be a little more coherent about this, but its not happening.

At least the wedding was beautiful. Two people, made one by God, without the falsehood of vows between bride and groom that will inevitably be broken.

I tried to make myself one with several other human beings Saturday and Sunday night, but its just not the same without that divine presence. It’s just dirty, and a little bit self-loathing. And those boys deserved better.

I wish my Mom would stop disowning me. It really hurts every time she does it, for both of us I’m sure. I hate it when she’s angry at me. I hate myself when she’s angry at me. And I miss my Dad.

A wedding is a bad place to be broken. However, a golf course is a great place to be broken. Glad I lost my golfing virginity this weekend. Too bad I missed Thanksgiving dinner. Sucks that I lost the car keys. Rotten that I’m not allowed to go home anymore.

Going to sleep again. Can’t fuck up there.