While touring the Pirates of Nassau museum with my cousin Keira and her boyfriend Jason, the three of us noticed a little sign that read: “Please do not interfere with the exhibits”. That was pretty much all the enticement we needed.

Here am I, climbing the rigging to board the pirate ship (not *technically* allowed, but clearly necessary for those looking to get to the heart of the pirate experience).

As soon as I am aboard ship, the pillaging and plundering begins! I steal the hat, glass and coat from an innocent mannequin, and look to the horizon for more booty. I think the red jacket goes really splendidly with my hot pink foam thong sandals, don’t you?

Mutiny! Keira threatens to leave Jason for the cozy, domestic life of a pirate’s wife. See, doesn’t she look cozy with the pirate and his dog? Awww…

Reconciled over a candlelit dinner of rat, we discover Jason’s secret culinary passion – for rat!

Did I say rat? Clearly, all Jason’s lovin’ is being saved for GOAT. There is nothing about this photo that makes me feel secure about the future of my career in politics. It just *screams* Satanic ritual.

So, in brief, that was the tale of my trip to the Pirates museum. We may not be welcome back, but arr! We had a good time, aye!