Ahhh. Much better. I have rescued myself from my stapler killing spree by spending the afternoon researching pirates on the web and then erasing my cookie trail so the IT guys can’t track me.

I’ve decided to make a pirate-chest gift for my friend Sarrah’s birthday. She casually mentioned the other day that she wanted Cap’n Jack Sparrow for her birthday, but since he’s fictional and unavailable and all that, I thought other booty might fill the void.

So my idea is to get a wooden chest, use my carving and woodburning tools to inscribe a Jolly Roger on it, and then fill it with fun pirate stuff, like an eyepatch and bandana, some chocolate gold coins, gold rush bubble gum, candy necklaces, fake jewelry, etc. Then I’m going to buy a shitty lock, pad it shut, and give her a hammer to open it with on her birthday. ‘Cause who the hell wants wrapping paper? Wouldn’t it make the gift more fun if you have to wreak some serious violence to bust it open?

Please let me know if you can think where I might find a wooden chest for cheap in Toronto. Better booty ideas also welcomed.