Certain parties who shall remain nameless have been taking an unholy delight in playing the ‘Chipmunk’s Christmus Album’ again and again and again at my beloved comic book store while I am stuck behind the cash, and thus unable to defend myself by running upstairs to turn it off.
Vengeance will be mine.
I have just burned the most horrid Chrismas song compilation of all time. I will slip it into the disc changer today, while I’m hanging the stockings at the store. Mwah ha ha.
It begins with Bob Rivers and his ‘Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire’. And it’s all downhill from there. There’s some Dolly Parton, some Beach Boys, a little Jackson 5, and some ‘N Sync. And the WORST Christmas song EVER:
Marvin Gaye’s ‘Purple Snowflakes’
I am evil.
Ok… what NSYNC is on there? Cause yo, I may have to kick your ass!
It’s ‘O Holy Night’ – and while I put it on as a punishment for those members of staff who are generally offended by boy bands, I have to admit, it’s actually not bad choral work. A little cheesy, but isn’t that what Christmukkah is all about?
But but, it’s so pretty! And when you see them sing it live, JC’s face gets all squinchy and Chris closes his eyes all lovely like… and I”m so not helping the case here.
purple snowflakes?
???!
It’s Godawful. Really.
The chorus of sopranos that interjects with “SNOW-flakes… pretty purple SNOW-flakes!” every now and then has a sort of ‘cries of the damned’ quality about it, and the whole tune is this bizarro mix of retro sixties psychedelic funk and motown.
It just ain’t right.
.