I have had a nagging sore throat for the past two days that has recently taken a turn for the sexy and dropped the pitch of my voice to that of Kathleen Turner in V. I. Warshawski.
Except I sound a little less staccato and cantankerous than she does in her tough private investigator role; perhaps it’s more like her vocal stylings as an adventure-seeking author in Romancing the Stone. No, no, no — her sexually tense exchanges with Michael Douglas are all wrong, too high pitched and hysterical — not reflective of my tone at all. Definetly not sounding like her cold, emotionally dead delivery of bitingly sarcastic remarks to Douglas in The War of the Roses, either…
Aha! Got it. I sound like her speaking in Undercover Blues; calm, businesslike, satisfied, holding things together despite her hectic life on the edge AND the occasional complete destruction of her house by Dennis Quaid.
Which is extremely apt, given yesterday’s *complete* disassembly of my bathroom by my landlord’s incompetent superintendent, Allan, resulting in my current lack of a sink and functional shower. Damn you, shitty apartment! Damn your outdated plumbing!
Man, I really dig Kathleen Turner. Only
Also? There have been several not-so-sexy moments this morning, where my attempts to speak have more of the masculine timbre of Bruce Campbell saying “Groovy” in Evil Dead 2. But the less said about that the better.
You should call with your Kathleen Turner voice. He’s an appreciator of such things.
There’s nothing wrong with a Kathleen Turner voice – it’s the first step to achieving that awesome nonchalant martial arts style she has in Undercover Blues. And in the meantime, you can amuse yourself with thoughts of setting up a geeks-only 900 number, which has the dual benefits of leveraging your crazy voice and meaning that you’ll likely not have to get up early in the morning…I’m just sayin’.
C
I love Kathleen Turner! Especially the voice!
Gmajorette’s voice gets all deep and husky like Turner’s when she’s really nervous – like doing public speaking (teaching or other) – and it’s a huge turn-on. I tell her this, of course, and she laughs and gets less nervous, which is good for her, but a little disappointing for me. 🙂
Hope you feel better soon.
lucky. whenever i have a sore throat, i sound like eileen heckart.
get well soon!
The only problem you’re having is that it’s impossible for a person speaking to another actual human to sound like anyone attempting to deliver a line at Michael “Cathy, Can You Help Me Dig This Gerbil Out Of My Ass… Again?” Douglas. If you took him out of the equation you’d probably sound EXACTLY like La Hepburn.
If I call today, will you answer “You’re not too smart, are you? I like that in a man.”
I also dig Kathleen Turner . . .