I went to get a panoramic x-ray of my head done yesterday, in preparation for the removal of all four of my not-so-wise teeth, which have decided to grow into my mouth in whatever way will cause maximum damage to other teeth and to my jaw.
While the x-ray was cool (I have HUGE teeth! and my cervical vertebrae are lookin’ just fine: early onset osteoporosis, my ass), my dentist’s furrowed brow and pursed lips as he examined it was… not so cool.
He actually said, and I quote, “Now I like to make a buck as much as the next guy, but I really think you’re going to want to be unconscious for most of this. There’s going to have to be some cutting into your lower jaw bone on both sides and that upper right one is just… hoo-eee. Why don’t I write you a referral to see an oral surgeon?”
So now I have my appointment booked with Dr. Cameron Clokie at 11:30am on Tuesday, March 30th. They say it’ll only take an hour or so, and I should be out of there by 1pm at the latest. I’m pretty nervous about the whole procedure, but at least I have Justin to take my groggy, anaesthetized self home afterwards. I just hope I don’t have blood all over my face, because blood sort of looks like barbecue sauce, and as we all know, barbecue sauce all over a girl’s face looks really foul. The upside to all this slicing and dicing of my bones and gums is that I fully intend to take the rest of the week off work. That means I work Monday, March 29th, and then I am away from the office until Monday, April 5th (which is a short week anyway because of Easter).
In the meantime, I’m embracing the spirit of surgery. I have the big 6″x10″ x-ray of my mouth hanging up in my cubicle, and am planning on watching Little Shop of Horrors tonight.
Dentist song lyrics
When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin’ puppies with a BB-Gun.
I’d poison guppies, and when I was done,
I’d find a pussy-cat and bash in it’s head.
That’s when my momma said…
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You’ll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay…
You’ll be a dentist.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist.
People will pay you to be inhumane!
You’re temperament’s wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You’ll be a success.
“Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque.”
“Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!”
“He’s a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good.”
“Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade?”
“Oh, that hurts! Wait! I’m not numb!”
“Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!”
I am your dentist.
And I enjoy the career that I picked.
I’m your dentist.
And I get off on the pain I inflict!
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.
It’s swell, though then tell me I’m maladjusted.
And though it may cause my patients distress.
Somewhere…Somewhere in heaven above me…
I know…I know that my momma’s proud of me.
“Oh, Momma…”
‘Cause I’m a dentist…
And a success!
“Say ahh…”
“Say AHhhh…”
“Say AAARRRHHHH!!!”
“Now Spit!”
I love that I didn’t even have to click the link to know that was a link to the uber fabulous Wet Hot American Summer.
and the beauty of having oral surgery is everyone is nice to you because they know it hurts. Although, becareful going out with Justin til the bruises fade… otherwise people will look at him like he beat you.
Ouch. Sorry man. Well it’s not that bad as some make it out to be. Had all four removed at once. Hang in there and eat a lot of soup. ((hugs))
I had mine removed surgically just before I turned 16. I have a small mouth (shush!) and they had to be done that way.
*pet* It’ll be fine sweetie. And you get to eat all sorts of mushy foods and have JVL pamper you. *pet*
Eeeeeee. I had mine out approximately the same way at about 20.
1) Do not let Justin take the most circuitous, hilly route home possible in an effort to avoid traffic. This will make you puke into your brand new incisions.
2) Do make Justin stay at home with you for your first couple days at home, because you may be a helpless drugged-out pumpkinhead.
3) Do not allow yourself to enjoy normally-pleasurable liquid foods during recovery (i.e. your favourite smoothie from Juice For Life) because all liquids subsisted upon during this period will henceforth be loathesome to you.
4) Do phone Sarcasma if in need of sympathy, advice, reassurance, or coddling, because she has an almost unhealthy amount of empathy for people getting their unwise teeth out. 🙂
ooh, you just referenced two of my favorite movies. good luck with the surgery–i had mine out in october and it wasn’t nearly as bad as i’d thought it would be. just make sure they give you lots of drugs. 🙂
I saw an oral surgeon to get mine out, too: they’ll give you enough drugs that it’ll hardly be like it’s happening at all. I’m glad Justin will be bringing you home – if he’s not going to be around for much longer, let me know & I’ll head over with Jell-O, pudding, etc. I don’t have class on that Wednesday night, so I can totally take evening shift. Buy up some extra comic books – the apres-wisdom-teeth removal time is great for reading. (To this day, I think it’s the codeine in Tylenol 3 that made me actually enjoy `The Celestine Prophecy’).
C
They put me under to pull out my wisdom teeth and the next day I was eating lasagne. It was the best dental experience of my life (I’ve had some bad ones). Good luck!! And I second what the first poster said: the anaesthetic will probably make you sick, so take the non-scenic route home.
odd musical coincidence, this past saturday we were weeding our theater group’s costume collection (’cause, really, we simply don’t have need for 4 see through lace aprons. The pink, crushed velvet bellbottoms, however, went right back on the shelf) and we came across the Little Shop dentist’s faux leather smock and the one with all the blood streaks on it. One went in “medical uniforms” and the other in the “dead and buried” box. It is a process both useful and amusing.
Also, hurray for the dentist realizing his limitations and trying to provide you with the best care he could, in this case transferring you elsewhere.
Thanks for the support, Cat. I’m almost sorry I didn’t get them pulled this week so you could be here to coddle me, but I didn’t want to steal your fire/be knocked up on codeine while you’re visiting. Speaking of – hurrah! You’ll be here tomorrow!!! Very cool.
Re: the Justin-as-abuser scenario, that is just SO wrong and not true, but also SO much funnier than it should be. One of Justin’s close friends has been sporting a variety of obvious love/suction/nibbling bruises over the past week from romantic encounters with a guy she’s been seeing. And now I’ll be black-and-blue, too!
If Justin keeps hanging around with the two of us, he might well be getting some raised eyebrows. 😉
Thanks for the offer of aid, it’s greatly appreciated. I’m sure I will need it, although Justin has Tuesday off work and I think he’s ready to go with the nursing for that day at least. Might need to call in reinforcements on Wednesday, though: I’ll ask him how much pampering he thinks he can provide before the novelty of hearing me talk like I’ve got a mouth full of nausea-inducing marshmallows wears off. 🙂
I’m debating making up a shopping list and getting the essentials for myself now, to avoid running around later: cans of Boost, orange juice, Lipton’s chicken noodle soup, popsicles, fudgesicles (the hell with lactose intolerance, I need post-op fudge!), etc etc. Pretty sure I’ve still got a box or two of Jell-O around, even after‘s trifle-stravaganza earlier this month…
My condolences on your crappy, crappy experience with the extraction. *pet*
1) No puking. I will not puke on Justin. This WILL NOT happen. My house is less than 5 minutes walk away, on a slight downhill incline.
2) I really, really like this suggestion a lot, but alas, the man’s got to make a living. He’s far too important to be away from the store for that long. But I will demand his attention for at least one day. After that, it’s the kindness of strangers.
3) Nooooo! But what about fudgesicles??? I NEED fudgesicles to recuperate. And yet, I don’t want to ruin them for myself, or my summer will be joyless.
4) Definitely will phone Sarcasma and speak to her as follows: “Hey Errir, how are roo? Coreine’s rearry arrrresome (drool) I car’t feer ary pain at arr! Zzzzzzzzzz”
Honestly, that is the first – the FIRST – good wisdom teeth story I’ve been told since I started mentioning to people that it was time to bite the bullet and use my dental benefits to get this done.
I am so glad at least one person on earth didn’t want to be given a big ol’ morphine drip for a month after having this procedure.
Rrrreeeeaaaallly. Lace? See through?
Can I have some of your sexy apron overstock?
And I am giddy at the thought of pink velvet bellbottoms. Giddy, I say.
Yes, I was starting to worry when he said he wanted to do the x-rays himself that he’d insist on doing the surgery, too, but being a friendly dentist, he sent me merrily on my way to an expert. It’s going to cost an arm and a leg, though. I think it’s around $1200 or so. Plus extra for the anaesthetic.
I think there’s actually a lot of stories like that – I was out at a pub on the Danforth eating pasta 3 days after mine came out – and it was a hell of a lot of fun since I was still a little hopped up. Dinna worry, m’dear – you’ll be AOK.
C
Thanks, Kay! *hugs*
Good call with the pre-shopping – then whatever anyone brings you can be a special bonus-food. I’m guessing you won’t be in any kind of shape to go shopping afterwards – it could be hilarious, but dangerous, to end up with a codeine-inspired `I loooovee you, man…’ to strangers scenario in the Dominion. Sarcasma is 100% right about the smoothies – whatever you eat during this time, you’ll eat too much of – I’ll never touch another vanilla pudding in my life. But Jell-O – Jell-O never dies.
Nothin’ says support like getting shout-outs from Chicago! I’m honoured and amazed that you found time to leave a comment, let alone read this whole thing, given the outrageous enormity of your 200+ friends listing. 🙂
Rah-rah, wisdom tooth team!
Chicken Souperman lives around the corner, he’s home during the day, and he’s got your back.
Given your bravery in the face of recent medical trauma, I will follow your lead and keep my chin up throughout the whole ordeal.
My poor, bloodied, traumatized chin. *sobs*
No, but really: you’re very inspiring, and I know my paralyzing fear of dental surgery will be easier to overcome if I keep you in mind as I’m going in.
*makes face* I have to bite the bullet as well. Three of mine came in fine, though they crowd the back, but the fourth is distinctly impacted, which probably means surgery. Might mean my students get a week of take-home lectures, though it might be fun to lecture on codeine. Fun in the nauseous, incoherent, head wrapped in fluff, not-fun kind of way.
-caellum
well, half aprons anyway. It’s kind of that… it’s not really netting but I think it may be related to nylon somehow. They were definitely made for the stage (though in what show I am not sure). Were you actually interested, I think something could be arranged.
Yes, anything involving one’s head does seem to cost the equivalent of other body parts, doesn’t it?
Heh. Shining example. I played in kitty litter as a child. That’s NOT an example of goodness, yo.
As for fear of dental surgery – this is the best kind – you’ll be knocked out, and won’t hear or feel a damn thing. In fact, I prefer it to regular dental procedures. When I was 10, I had to have in the hospital dental surgery in addition to the wisdom teeth extraction – when it came time to do the wisdom teeth they gave me the option of having it done in the chair or the hospital, and I was all “knock me out, dude!” and they did. MUCH better.
*pet*pet*